My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
