I'd wear matching sweaters with you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
