I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
