I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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