K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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