I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
