Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Found the puke drawer
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
