it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize