Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize