There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
