My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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