I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
