afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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