No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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