i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
