we have pet lesbian snakes
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Barsexuality is the new black.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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