just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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