i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
