Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
