was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just had sex on a roof
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
