all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
