The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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