i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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