I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
