Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
