he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize