My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
