Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
