Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
