just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
