How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
