I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
