last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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