:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
