Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
