dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
