i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
