Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
