I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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