just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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