What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
my liver is dry heaving
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
