He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
