I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
