So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
