That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
