allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Acid is not a monday night drug
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
