lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize