I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
