I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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