one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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