I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
