Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We are all done wearing pants today
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
