Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
