I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
