I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I love you. Go after that dick
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize