Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
