This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
