he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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