im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
