remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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