Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
