You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im six kinds of drunk right now
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
