woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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