Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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