Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Randomize
