Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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