it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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