I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He passed out mid-signature
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
