Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
