I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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