I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize