if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
