it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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