I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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