Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
