there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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