Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
