Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
