oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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