I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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