You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
