You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
