You can't motorboat a personality
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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