he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
