thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
