This is not my ceiling
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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