just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
