girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
