i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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