All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
