Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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