Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
