I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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