i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
