just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize