o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
