So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i out mim tonsoeep
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