so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
