My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
