I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
