From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
