last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
