rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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