sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
