I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
