so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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