you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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